An example of the kind of nonsense creative writing I would do in high school, roughly 2001. Reading it is inadvisable, other than perhaps as evidence that a kid who writes this kind of stuff could eventually become a well-adjusted adult with enough time.
Once upon a time, long long ago, there were three men. Only three; the rest were still monkeys at that point. For no justifiable reason, one of the men would live for a certain amount of time, the second would live forever, and the third would live for half of forever. The living for a certain amount of time was pretty standard, and still is, so that didn’t cause much of a problem. Living forever was strange, but not unheard of. But what really sent the monkeys into a tizzy was The Man Who Would Live Half Of Forever.
What did this mean? Was it a message from God? An arbitrary decision by a council? Was it so his death would be the one signal to the guy who’ll live forever that he’s middle aged and he should buy a motorcycle?
The Wise Council Of Monkeys And A Man (formerly Wise Council Of Monkeys) wanted to know what to do about The Man Who Would Live Half Of Forever. They deliberated on this question for decades. Well, decades in dog years. And by dogs, I mean the mice that dogs evolved from. Seeing that those things only lived for a few weeks, I guess the council debated for a couple days, and then came to an arbitrary decision: kill him. The main rationale behind this was that if they killed the man, and then the world ended a few years later, then they could confirm that he really was going to live for half of forever. If the world didn’t end, then they would know it was all a big practical joke, and they could then meet on what to do about that.
This was all fine and dandy, except for the killing, and the fact that the aliens disagreed. (What do you mean, “What aliens?” You’d know if you’d paid attention.) So the aliens beamed themselves to earth and disguised themselves as monkeys, blending in and working their way up the power structure of the monkey society, until they were the very leaders of the earth.
Of course by this point the monkeys had long ago offed The Man Who Would Live Half Of Forever, to the sadness of his family (although they’d always felt kinda funny, seeing as he was a man and they were monkeys) and to the even sadder sadness of The Man Who Would Live Forever (who at this point might not even live as long as The Man Who Would Live A Certain Amount Of Time).
The Wise Council Of Aliens (formerly Wise Council Of Monkeys And A Man) was saddened that they were too late, and arbitrarily decided that they should mandate a new law forcing every monkey on earth to donate at least one baloa to the council every week, or else suffer the punishment of being forced to join the council and sit in boring meetings and make arbitrary decisions.
The major drawback of this decision was that there’s no such thing as a baloa, hence preventing the monkeys from donating them. A week later, The Wise Council Of Every Monkey On Earth And Those Aliens (formerly The Wise Council Of Aliens) arbitrarily decided the aliens should be kicked off earth for the troubles they’d caused, as well as blaming the aliens for world hunger and why Windows sucks so much.
A few years later, the world ended, taking with it both the Guy Who Would Live Forever as well as The Guy Who Would Live For A Certain Amount Of Time, in an ironic tie.
A council has arbitrarily decided that they all lived happily ever after.