Youth sued for liking ninjas

October 25, 2002 • 2 min read

This an ancient satirical news post from when I was in college. I apologise.

Jeremy Hamburger, 10, ingesting a frisbee. LOS ANGELES, CA, USA - Robert Hamburger, an American child, is being sued by a mother in South Carolina whom he has never met. The grounds for her case is his web site, Real Ultimate Power (as seen in our WTF Sites months ago.) Robert, pictured left, stated on his website, “I guess if you can win a lawsuit for spilling hot coffee on your lap or smoking cigarettes that you thought were good for you, you can sue for anything.”

Margerie Evans, a mother of three, blames Robert for her children’s misbehaving and violence. In Margerie’s hate email, (Robert publicly posts the best hate mail he receives,) she says things like, “You are a disgrace to the whites, if you’re white,” and “My second born son has been, as you call it, ‘flipping out’ recently and he started doing so around the same time the boys discovered your site.” She expects they’ll now end up “in jail or even juvenile hall.” The state of a child who will become a criminal merely from reading a website about ninjas being cool and how they get really mad and flip out is questionable. Altering Time’s resident child psychology expert said, “If your kids can’t stay sane after seeing another kid eat a frisbee, I think you should be sued as a mother.”

Robert’s advice, such as how to kill oneself by ingesting a frisbee, is, according to the expert, “about as dangerous as having steak knives in the kitchen drawer.” Robert isn’t concerned about the lawsuit, as well he shouldn’t be. The content available on the internet ranges from how to make bombs to hate sites against any religion or culture. The comparitive innocence of “Ninjas flip out all the time” is laughable. Maybe Altering Time will be sued for their ninja reference in What We Learn From Movies.

The author of this article agrees that ninjas are really cool, and will now proceed to flip out and swallow a frisbee. There has also been a Forum topic started about this here.

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